don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
