everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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