I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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