is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
