I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
