I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
