I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
