none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nicole vs. Life
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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