Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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