I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
