Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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