I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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