All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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