I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
