Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
