Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You dont lie about slip and slides
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
