Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
