$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
