I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
