I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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