i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
