So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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