How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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