I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
