I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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