She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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