she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
