All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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