I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
