I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
