Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
