guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
