you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
