My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
