Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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