billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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