She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
