Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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