sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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