Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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