i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You can't special order awesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
