is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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