Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
