I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
