I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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