Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
