somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
