yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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