He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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