a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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