i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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