Please, let me fuck your mom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
