I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
