Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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